if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
