There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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