I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
