the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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