Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
