I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
