Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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