He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
