Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
