The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
