i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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