Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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