so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
