He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
