Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
