Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
