i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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