I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
you never un-have a 4some
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize