I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
