Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
