Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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