Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
