I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
