Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
