I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
4 words: hood of his car
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
