I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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