Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
