Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
