when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
