Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
