We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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