So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
