He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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