i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
