i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
