She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
