i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
