the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize