He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
