Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
