1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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