I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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