Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize