Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize