how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
