Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
