New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
