Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
