you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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