I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
