he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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