I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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