Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
