I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Randomize