cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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