also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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