I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
