Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
