I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
