Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
