apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize